I told you to trim the trees
“I told you to trim the trees, not decorate them. You’re fired!”
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Elon Musk Axes Funding for 10 Totally Unnecessary Science Departments
Here’s a list of science departments Musk is cutting. Department of Quantum Snack Dynamics Focused on creating snacks that exist
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10 best deals on the Internet this week (12-21-24)
1. SLIGHTLY HAUNTED ROOMBA – $299.99 (Originally $666.66) This pre-owned robotic vacuum comes with its own spiritual presence! Previous owner
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New Airline “Promises Kept Airways” Launches to Help Celebrities Finally Leave America
Every election, a new crop of celebrities claim they will leave the country if the outcome they want doesn’t transpire.
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5 things Americans won’t be able to afford under the new across-the-board tariffs
Prepare yourself for the Great American Price Surge of 2025, where even your wildest financial fantasies won’t save you from
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Ten San Antonio restaurants where your stomach signs a liability waiver
Let’s go on a journey through the San Antonio’s finest disasters masquerading as restaurants. Crazy Mama Luigi’s Authentic* Italian Kitchenette
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NFL, WWE and Hollywood Help Raise Funds to Meet Nation’s Budget Shortfall
After Elon Musk blew up the bipartisan budget bill, the worlds of sports and entertainment rallied to help fellow Americans.
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Elon Musk torches budget bill – waves of shutdowns begin
As the nation struggles with shutdowns due to Elon Musk blowing up the budget bill, absurdity levels reach new heights.
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Nation Struggles as Elon Blows Up the Bipartisan Budget Bill
Imagine pulling up to Yellowstone, ready for a serene moment with nature, only to find a line of harried tourists
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Biden Pardons the Tiger King, Citing “Second Chances” and “Better Treatment for Big Cats”
President Joe Biden announced today that he’s granting a full pardon to Joseph Maldonado-Passage, better known to the world as
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What happened to Moondog?
During last night’s Cavaliers halftime show, the team’s beloved mascot, Moondog, took a leap into local—and possibly intergalactic—legend. According to
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Major action star sports a new look around town
It started with a collective hush, a soft ripple of disbelief that drifted through the crowded sidewalk. There, beneath the
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The Mayor, the Tree, and the Thermos of Doom
A small town in the upper middle of Ohio has a popular Christmas tree lighting ceremony every year. People drive
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News Report: Thousands of unexplained drones fill New Jersey skies
News Report: Thousands of unexplained drones fill New Jersey skies. Don’t worry. It’s just New Yorkers checking out New Jersey
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Aging Like Fine Meh
Birthdays—those annual hall passes we give ourselves to devour an entire cake and then pretend everyone else is the glutton
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