Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

Retail and Shopping
Joe Ditzel

That’s A Good Flick

I rent a lot of movies. Some are movies I didn’t want to pay $8 to see in a theater. Some I just didn’t have time to see. Some I wish they would have paid ME to sit through.

There are lots of clerks at my video store but invariably I always get the same guy. He has an opinion on every movie I bring to the counter. And he voices that opinion. LOUDLY.

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Food and Restaurants
Joe Ditzel

Cookie

Today is the day! The Girl Scout Cookies are here! I get my cookies from coworkers. Last year they didn’t arrive until around 330pm. I didn’t eat lunch that day. I was so hungry I ate a whole box of samoas. My body started to shake. I walked around like Beavis with my shirt over my head muttering “more samoas”. I had to leave work and lie down for 35 days.

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Quote
Joe Ditzel

Battering Ram

[Daniel and coworker are in large Jeep]
Daniel Miller: Why do you drive this?
Jeep Owner: What?
Daniel Miller: I’m curious. I see people driving these things. What do you know that I don’t? Are floods coming? Hoover Dam broke? What’s going on?
Jeep Owner: I like this car.
Daniel Miller: It’s not a car, it’s a battering ram. This is what Patton drove: “Hey you, soldier! Follow us!”
Jeep Owner: Make fun, but in an 8.5 earthquake, you’ll beg for a Jeep.
Daniel Miller: In an 8.5 earthquake, I’ll beg for a coffin.

– Defending Your Life

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Food and Restaurants
Joe Ditzel

I’ll Pay For Your Groceries

I was at the Downtown Ralph’s near Staples buying some bananas and an orange. I set them on the converyor belt with a plastic divider separating my stuff from the guy in front of me. Suddenly a guy walked up and pointed at the fruit and said, “I can do it. I’ll buy your stuff and put it on my card and you just give me cash. It’ll be faster.” I heard what he said but it made no sense to me. I told him no, I didn’t want to do that.

When I got home I was still trying to figure it out. I found the answer with a little googling. Does this work? Has it it ever happened to you?

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