Gig Economy

Shimmering mermaids and mischievous water sprites

Food delivery instructions from homeowners explaining how to reach their house can get complicated.

One customer’s special instructions read: “Beyond the towering gates guarded by fierce gargoyles, follow the path lined with floating lanterns. To reach our abode, you must first cross the treacherous moat, teeming with shimmering mermaids and mischievous water sprites. Fear not, noble driver, for a wise man awaits you on the other side, bearing the secret key to our door.”

Excitement coursed through my veins as I donned a cloak of bravery, fastened a thinking cap upon my head, and embarked on my grand adventure. I mounted a magnificent horse, its mane flowing like a golden waterfall, and we galloped into the unknown.

Approaching the destination, I discovered a grand gate, guarded by stone gargoyles, their eyes glinting with ancient wisdom. To proceed, I knew I had to perform a daring feat—leap over a towering fountain in a single bound, with water cascading like liquid crystal.

My heart raced as I took a deep breath and summoned all my courage. With a burst of energy, I cleared the fountain, feeling a rush of triumph coursing through my veins. But there was no time to rest, for a wide moat lay ahead, its depths swirling with ethereal mists and mystical creatures.

A bridge made of shimmering moonlight appeared, beckoning me forward. Without hesitation, I urged my horse onward and, with a leap of faith, we soared over the moat, landing safely on the other side.

Awaiting me was a wise man, draped in robes adorned with starlight. He handed me a key carved from a moonbeam and whispered ancient incantations to guide me on my final stretch.

Following the wise man’s instructions, I approached an enormous slide, spiraling towards the heavens. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I braced myself and took the plunge, hurtling down the slide at lightning speed. The wind whistled past my ears as I laughed in exhilaration, feeling alive like never before.

The slide deposited me at the very precipice of a fiery abyss—a roaring lava pit blocking the path to the customer’s door. My heart raced, but I knew I couldn’t falter now. With all my might, I summoned every ounce of bravery within me and leaped over the scorching lava, fueled by determination and a sprinkle of magic. As I landed, fireworks erupted, painting the sky with dazzling colors, announcing my triumphant arrival.

Finally, I stood before the customer’s residence, a magnificent castle perched atop a cloud-kissed mountain. The door swung open, revealing the customer adorned in regal attire. She thanked me for braving the extraordinary challenges to deliver this culinary delight.

And so, having conquered mythical creatures, defied gravity, and triumphed over fiery perils, I bid farewell to the enchanted abode. The memories of this wondrous journey forever etched in my heart, I rode off into the sunset, eager to embark on my next food delivery adventure.

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.