Tesla Lasers Neutralize Bad Drivers

Teslas have always used different laser systems to help guide the cars in self-driving mode. The innovative manufacturer has now built on that technology — beginning in 2019, Teslas will include exclusive lasers that instantly neutralize bad drivers.

“Let’s say you have guy driving slow in front of you, slowing and then speeding up, generally impeding the normal flow traffic,” company founder Elon Musk said at recent press conference. “Now you can drop a target from the car’s roof in front of your eye, take aim and let loose with the power of 257 lasers hitting every inch of his vehicle, rendering the car motionless. You’ve removed a dangerous driver from the road.”

The company listed several other situations their laser systems will be valuable:

-Freezing kids who ride bikes at night in the middle of the street wearing all black and no lights.

-Immobilizing drivers who blow right past 4-way stops out of turn.

-Dealing with drivers who never use signals.

-Halting dirty polluters who throw cigarette butts and drink cups out the window.

-Stopping brake-checkers, tail-gaters, and driving-while-on-phoners.

“This may be my best idea yet,” Musk said.