3 More Fun Facts About New Year’s Day

First New Year’s Day

Did you know the first New Year’s Day was celebrated on January 1, 45 B.C., the first day of the new Julian calendar? Julius Caesar walked around saying, “What a New Year’s Ever party! I am SO hungover.”

One of his friends said, “Big J, ummmmm, we didn’t have a New Year’s Eve party last night. This is the first year of the new calendar.”

“OK, so why am I so hungover?”

“It’s Rome, Big J, we celebrate every night.”

Janus Joplin

In Rome, New Year’s Day was dedicated to the god of new beginnings, Janus. Janus is often shown as having two faces, one face looking back to the past, the other to the future.

You could depict your “best friend” the same way, you know, the one you told a super-duper secret and they promised not to tell anyone. Later you found out they told your sister and she let it out over Snapchat. You confronted your “BFF” and she denied it, of course. I suggest you learn about Adrestia, the Norse god of revenge. Make things right — we never saw nuthin’.

Naming and Circumcision

New Year’s Day is also the day of the Feast of the Naming and Circumcision of Jesus in the Christian church. I also mark several days of the year to celebrate past surgeries and medical challenges. This year I’ll celebrate the Feast of the Broken Femur, the Feast of the Portal Vein Blood Clot and the Celebration of the Migraines Brought On by Leaving a Putt Two Feet Short.

3 More Fun Facts About New Year’s Eve

Eat Your Salad

One New Year’s tradition says the more leafy greens you eat, the more successful you will be. The year Facebook went public, Mark Zuckerberg ate 37 salads on New Year’s Day.

One Million People

One million people will converge on Times Square . Only 500,000 will be there for the ball drop. The other 500,000 think the Knicks are about to win a game.

Baby New Year

Baby New Year is the iconic baby in a top hat who most symbolizes the new year. Baby New Year is also a prolific rapper, best known fof the hits “Auld Lang Gang Syne” and “New Year, New Deals on Big Screen TVs.”

3 Fun Facts About Boxing Day

When I lived in Canada, we observed Boxing Day the day after Christmas. It wasn’t a day for my brothers and I to beat each other up — that was every other day.

No, Boxing Day is a real holiday in the UK, Canada and several other countries.

It Goes Back to Medieval Times

Some experts trace Boxing Day all the way back to medieval times. The “box” part refers to wealthy people giving boxes of gifts to their servant staff the day after Christmas.

Gee, thanks. That’s like letting them watch the Kentucky Derby the next day after everyone has left and the race is over.

Boxing Day Sales Used to be a Thing

Back in the day, we loved Boxing Day because it signaled big savings at post-Christmas sales. Some families even celebrated Christmas by exchanging gifts in the days between Christmas and New Year’s Ever just to save lots of money.

Now, the sales are so good before Christmas, Boxing Day sales are passé.

Which is good. Who wants to celebrate a birthday 5 days later?

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
This gift was on sale
So I bought one for me, too

No Boxing, Fighting or Roundhouse Kicking

I know, I know. Why call it Boxing Day if you aren’t going to throw a few punches?

Sorry, not allowed.

Save up that aggression for next Christmas season. You’ll need it to fight other shoppers on Black Friday to get that 64-inch TV for $100. Especially when you have to gang-tackle a grandma who nabbed the last one.

3 Things To Watch For in Thanksgiving Football Games

Dallas Cowboys

The Cowboys play almost every Thanksgiving. Why? Because they are America’s Team. And America’s Team plays on Thanksgiving. They’ve only missed two years since they began playing on Thanksgiving in 1966: 1975 and 1977. Both years the NFL fed them turkey before the game, and they fell asleep before the opening kickoffs.

Yelling Grandpa

Where do men learn to yell at the TV during football games? From our fathers and grandfathers. The danger is old Gramps is getting much older now, and one too many screaming matches at “those damn refs” may be his final blood-curdling rant.

Guy In Stands Wearing Turkey Outfit

Inevitably, someone in the stands will dress up as a turkey. This is a dangerous fashion choice. And in Cleveland, it adds insult to injury.

3 Crazy Facts About New Year’s Day

God of Doors

The Romans dedicated New Year’s Day to Janus, the god of doors, gates and openings. If that’s the case, why didn’t they dedicate the end of the year to the Roman God Anus, the god of endings and exits?

Gonna Lose Weight and Run Every Day – Yeah, Right

Folks in Tudor, England used to celebrate New Year’s Day on March 25. This happened before the Gregorian calendar, but I kind of like it since I don’t get my New Year’s resolutions started until around March 25th anyway.

America’s Religion

New Year’s Day has been an important day through history for many religions, and that is still the case in America today.

The most important religion in America is football. There were some routs on New Year’s Day in 2016.

-Stanford beat Iowa 45-16 in the Rose Bowl.

-Michigan stuffed Florida 41-7 in the Citrus Bowl.

-Ohio State crushed the Fighting Irish 44-28 in the Fiesta Bowl.

-Heck, let’s go ahead and count a Dec. 31 game in this tally because Alabama SPANKED Michigan State 38-0 in the Cotton Bowl.

Let’s be honest: the Big Ten didn’t come out so well in this series of games, but my take right now is in the religion of football, the Big Ten has to do less praying and more testifying…to the spirit of winning.

How Far Should I Run To Work Off The Holiday Calories I Consumed?

With the new year looming, you may be considering starting a new running program to work off the food you ate over the holidays.

How far you should run depends on how much and what you consumed in November and December. Here is a quick guide:

If you ate:
32 cookies
15 pieces of fudge
25 potato latkes
Run 1/2 mile per day.

If you ate:
56 cookies
25 pieces of fudge
33 potato latkes
17 sausage rolls
Run 3/4 mile per day.

If you ate:
65 cookies
30 pieces of fudge
37 potato latkes
22 sausage rolls
12 mince pies
Run 1 mile per day.

If you ate:
75 cookies
35 pieces of fudge
43 potato latkes
37 sausage rolls
15 mince pies
21 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
Run 1.5 miles per day.

no_more_christmas_cookies_crop_1280w----holiday-health-fitness-onepanel
If you ate:
100 cookies
43 pieces of fudge
47 potato latkes
40 sausage rolls
17 mince pies
24 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
15 deep-fried chocolate cupcakes
Run 3 miles per day

If you ate:
124 cookies
47 pieces of fudge
54 potato latkes
43 sausage rolls
21 mince pies
25 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
19 deep-fried chocolate cupcakes
Run 5 miles per day

If you ate:
11,503 cookies
7,755 pieces of fudge
8,456 potato latkes
27,987 sausage rolls
5,278 mince pies
33,785 peanut butter jelly doughnuts
44,525 deep fried chocolate cupcakes
175,000 candy canes
300,000 gallons of egg nog
Please do not run. Call the fire department to cut a hole in the side of your house so they can lift you out with a crane and take you to the emergency room.

9 Signs Your Fourth of July Is Not Turning Out As Well As You Expected

The Fourth of July, Independence Day, is a day to relax with friends and family and celebrate our country. But sometimes it doesn’t go as you planned.

 

Courtesy Florida Memory
Courtesy Florida Memory

You work on your custom flag dress for weeks and your cousin walks in wearing the exact same thing.

 

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

The drummer in your parade group thinks he is John Bonham.

 

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

Gypsy fortune tellers at the July 4th party say you only have 3 months to live.

 

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

Every kid in the parade got their parents to help with their costume. Yours looks like you made it in your sleep.

 

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

Your softball team is halfway through the season and you are 0-34.

 

Courtesy Florida Memory
Courtesy Florida Memory

Girls on the beach don’t even notice you walk by anymore.

 

Courtesy Library of Congress
Courtesy Library of Congress

The fireworks are almost over, and you have no idea where the car is parked.

 

Courtesy Florida Memory
Courtesy Florida Memory

You realize you didn’t make enough potato salad.

 

Courtesy Florida Memory
Courtesy Florida Memory

Your son falls in a well after trying to use an umbrella “as a parachute, daddy!”

Romantic Valentine Verses for Your Love on Valentine’s Day 2015

Not sure what to say to your love on Valentine’s Day for 2015? Don’t worry. Swipe these famous Valentines verses from throughout the history of romance, and you’ll be silver-tongued lover in no time.

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I love you today
I’ll love you tomorrow
So don’t get mad when I say
Do you have $5 I can borrow?

Gutt og jente på benk_12339554934_l
Lips red as blood
Eyes of diamond blue
Let’s get a pizza
And then a snooze

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Lots of big hugs
And tons of kisses
You’re my little bug
Our love never misses
(Most of the time)

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This rhyme is just for you
To show that my love is true
I love your eyes and silly grin
Please get me out of the jail I’m in

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What is love but pain and sorrow
But it all ends tomorrow
When we head down to the casino
And spend all our money playing keno