New York City “rat czar” ready to fight rats at any cost

New York City just appointed their first “rat czar” tasked with fighting the persistent rat problems plaguing Gotham.

The city had tried all the traditional methods of extermination: poison, traps, fumigation, and even trained felines. But the rats always found a way to come back with a vengeance. The new rat czar, however, had a different approach in mind.

She was a scientist who had spent years studying the social behavior of rats. She believed that the key to defeating the rats was to understand their natural instincts and use them against them.

Her first idea was to create a pheromone that would mimic the scent of a dominant male rat. The pheromone would be sprayed in areas where the rats were most active, and it would attract the male rats, who would then fight for dominance. This would create chaos in the rat colonies, and it would weaken their social structure.

“Let them fight it out?” the czar said. “Why should we lose any sleep over these nutcases. It’s Game of Thrones and Hunger Games all rolled into one as far as I’m concerned!”

Her second idea was even more audacious. She had discovered that rats had a natural fear of owls. She proposed using robotic owls equipped with sensors that would detect the presence of rats and emit a high-pitched screech that would terrify the rats. The robotic owls would be strategically placed throughout the city, and their screeches would be activated at night when the rats were most active.

“We’ll even have these owls on top of the cabs,” she said. No rat is going to take a cab anymore in this town!”

But the rat czar knew that these ideas alone would not be enough. She needed to get creative. She began experimenting with different sounds and smells that would repel the rats. She discovered that rats had an aversion to the sound of a kazoo, so she proposed installing kazoo-playing devices in areas where rats were most prevalent.

“Yes, sir! I’ve got kazoo marching bands rolling up and down the streets of Manhattan! They don’t stand a chance!”

Furthermore, she discovered that rats had a natural fear of the smell of peppermint. She proposed using peppermint oil to create a barrier around buildings and dumpsters to prevent rats from entering.

“We have peppermint squads spraying it all OVER the joint. And if you ask nicely, they’ll spray your mouth with a shot if you just had onions for lunch or whatever. Winning!”