10 signs you picked the wrong therapist

10 signs you picked the wrong therapist:

1. The Nameplate: When you walk into the office, their nameplate reads, “Dr. Freudian Slip” and underneath, “Specializing in Mother Issues, Father Issues, and Shoe Size Complexes.”
2. The Setting: Instead of a comfy chair, they offer you a spot on their newly installed “emotional roller-coaster.”
3. Their Intro: The first thing they ask is, “How does that make you feel?” before you’ve even said a word.
4. Confidentiality?: Halfway through the session, they interrupt you to say, “Hold that thought, this will get tons of likes on my therapist TikTok.”
5. Relatability: Whenever you mention a problem, they respond with, “Same,” followed by a 20-minute personal rant.
6. Credentials: When asked about their qualifications, they proudly show you their PhD – Pretty huge Diary – where they jot down everyone’s secrets.
7. Payment Methods: They offer a “Buy 5 Emotional Breakdowns, Get the 6th One Free!” loyalty card.
8. Homework: At the end of the session, your “homework” is to watch three seasons of their favorite Netflix show so you can “discuss” next time.
9. Counseling Technique: Their version of exposure therapy involves showing you embarrassing childhood photos of themselves.
10. Final Straw: The only time they look genuinely concerned is when you say you might not come back next week.