5 worst gas stations in Omaha

1. Gassy Gus’s Petroleum Palace: Run by Gassy Gus, a man who claimed his gas was the most organic in all of Omaha. In reality, the gas was mixed with Gus’s homemade smoothie blend. Cars ended up not only refueled but also leaving trails of banana and kale smoothies from their exhausts.

2. Glitter & Go: Owner Glenda believed that cars too, like humans, deserved a little sparkle. Every fill-up came with a complimentary glitter bomb that exploded upon starting the engine. Omaha’s streets twinkled for miles, but irate drivers with shimmering seats were not as enthused.

3. Ethel’s Empty Tanks: Ethel, a sweet elderly lady, always forgot to order gasoline for her station. She insisted on filling cars up with whatever she had on hand. Water, lemonade, even her famous tomato soup. The city never saw so many cars belching steamy, soup-scented clouds before.

4. Burt’s Burping Barrels: At Burt’s, the pumps had an odd defect. They burped. Loudly. Every five seconds. Filling up was an ordeal of jumping at unexpected noises, and the spectacle often drew crowds of giggling schoolchildren.

5. The Mystery Station: The most enigmatic of all. Nobody ever saw it in the same place twice, and it was run by a man who looked suspiciously like Bigfoot wearing a top hat. The gas was fine, but the experience? You’d get a riddle with every fill-up, and if you answered incorrectly, you’d be handed a rubber chicken instead of a receipt.