I can’t wait for driverless cars

I can’t wait for driverless cars. No more driving with my knee as I play drums on the steering wheel while singing at the top of my lungs, “Don’t Stop Believin’.”

I can’t wait for the driverless cars version of Fast and Furious: Calm and Calculated.

I can’t wait for driverless cars. Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” will become “Smart Car.”

I can’t wait for driverless cars. “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” will become “Paradise by the Touchscreen Light.”

I can’t wait for driverless cars. Road rage will become just a silent, seething resentment towards the algorithm that decides who gets to merge first.

I can’t wait for driverless cars. “Are you working from home today?” “No, the 405 and PCH.”

I’d like to introduce my driverless car rideshare service for networking called “Schmoozer.”

I can’t wait for driverless cars. When I say, “Jesus take the wheel,” he’ll say “I already got you, fam.”