Where’s my bow?
I was in one of those war reenactments but not the Civil War. It was The Battle of Thermopylae. I
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Getting a tongue lashing
I used to be in an extremely evangelical church. I liked speaking in tongues, but Siri and Alexa formed a
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Head full of dreams
When I die I am going to be preserved in a cryogenic chamber, but only my head. So I can
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And add a lot of pepper
I got one of those pre-prepared meal kits they send you — this one is from Ohio. The main course
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I don’t care about what farmers want, I want my food
The worst part of the Daylight Savings Time charade is having to explain to the dog why his dinner is
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Naked and afraid
I stood naked on stage yesterday afternoon at the Oscars rehearsal as the crew checked the lights and cameras for
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The Moonlighting Astronaut: A Gravity-Defying Claim
Every day there is some new scam where someone is trying to sue or get worker’s compensation money because they
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The life expectancy of ancient Egyptians
Me: “Did you know in ancient Egypt, the average life expectancy for males was 23-25 years and for females was
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Watts up, San Diego? The unwitting philanthropist
In the sun-drenched, avocado-toast-loving city of San Diego, a tale unfolds that’s so absurd, it could only be true in
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Photo Op: Kate Winslet and Ricky Gervais work on the new Golden Globes theme song, “Velvet Ropes and Vodka Shots.”
Kate Winslet and Ricky Gervais work on the new Golden Globes theme song, “Velvet Ropes and Vodka Shots.”
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How Not to Relationship, by Cathy and Heathcliff
“Wuthering Heights” is essentially a love story that makes Romeo and Juliet’s brief fling look like a well-adjusted, healthy relationship.
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Please stop kicking so I can close the door to the cruiser
You know what’s way worse than a Karen? A male Karen. Crazy train. The funniest one I heard was downtown
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Me after triple-bogeying four holes in a row on a par-3 course
Me after triple-bogeying four holes in a row on a par-3 golf course.
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My password brain is on empty
My password brain is on empty. I’m down to weird combinations of girls that dumped me in fifth grade, obscure
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Announcing the Kitchen Comedy Festival
Announcing the Kitchen Comedy Festival in my kitchen. Please submit your audition tape and $1997 for consideration. Parking not included.
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