Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

Work and Careers
Joe Ditzel

Engineer Joke – Engineering Debate

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might have designed the human body. The first one said, “It was been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff – a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”

The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain… must have been designed by an electrical engineer.”

Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?”

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Joe Ditzel

Clouds and Haze

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all its navigation and communications equipment. With all the clouds and haze, the pilot couldn’t determine his position or how to get to the airport. But he saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it up.

The sign read, “WHERE AM I?”

People in the building quickly responded with their own sign: “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, plotted the course to the airport and landed safely. On the ground, the co-pilot asked him how their sign helped determine the helicopter’s position.

“I knew that had to be the Microsoft building,” the pilot said, “because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.”

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Joe Ditzel

Missed Calls

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”
– Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949.

“I think there is a world market for may be five computers.”
– Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”
– The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
– Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp.,1977.

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
– Bill Gates, 1981.

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Joe Ditzel

ID Ten T Error

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”

“It was an ID ten T error.”

“An ID ten T error? What’s that in case I need to fix it again?”

Harold grinned. “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

“No.”

“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”

So I wrote it down …… I D 1 0 T.

I used to like Harold.

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Work and Careers
Joe Ditzel

Nine Questions – Engineering Joke

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the head engineer.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The head engineer went to the first applicant and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the other applicant.”

“And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct.”

“We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.”

“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”

“Simple. Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I.'”

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Joe Ditzel

Flat Tire

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.

The project manager said, “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination.”

The computer programmer said, “We have the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.”

The computer operator said, “Let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem.”

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “Try to close all windows, get out of the car, and then get in and try again.”

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Tech and Science
Joe Ditzel

Tech Joke: Flat Tire

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.

The project manager said, “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination.”

The computer programmer said, “We have the driver’s guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive.”

The computer operator said, “Let’s turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem.”

Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: “Try to close all windows, get out of the car, and then get in and try again.”

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Joe Ditzel

Mountain Road

A software engineer, a hardware engineer and their manager are in the car going to an industry convention in their rental car. To get there they must navigate a treacherous mountain road. While they are coming down a steep and narrow incline the car’s brakes go out. The car starts going way too fast and they all fear this will be the end of their lives. But somehow the driver manages to not careen off the road and they glide to a stop once safely down the hill.

They all get out and catch their breath.

The manager is first to speak, “Well, let me get my cell phone so I can call the tow truck to take it to the garage.”

The hardware engineer says, “No, no, no, just pop the hood and we can fix the problem ourselves.”

The software engineer says, “Guys, just wait. Before we do anything we should take it up the hill and see if it happens again!”

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Tech and Science
Joe Ditzel

Tech Joke: Mountain Road

A software engineer, a hardware engineer and their manager are in the car going to an industry convention in their rental car. To get there they must navigate a treacherous mountain road. While they are coming down a steep and narrow incline the car’s brakes go out. The car starts going way too fast and they all fear this will be the end of their lives. But somehow the driver manages to not careen off the road and they glide to a stop once safely down the hill.

They all get out and catch their breath.

The manager is first to speak, “Well, let me get my cell phone so I can call the tow truck to take it to the garage.”

The hardware engineer says, “No, no, no, just pop the hood and we can fix the problem ourselves.”

The software engineer says, “Guys, just wait. Before we do anything we should take it up the hill and see if it happens again!”

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