JokesUncategorized

Go Ahead

Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

“Hello?”

“Honey, It’s me.”

“Sugar!”

“Are you at the club?”

“Yes.”

“Great! I’m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?”

“What’s the price?”

“Only $1,500.”

“Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much.”

“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2004 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”

“What price did he quote you?”

“Only $60,000!”

“Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

“Great! Before we hang up, something else…”

“What?”

“It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and…well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property…”

“How much are they asking?”

“Only $450,000… a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”

“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?”

“Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”

“Bye.”

The man hangs up, closes the phone’s flap and asks aloud, “Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?”

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JokesUncategorized

Depth of Talent – Engineering Joke

Sam was fresh out of engineering school and went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”

“22,” Sam replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator and realized he wouldn’t get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job!

He was happy to get the job but also curious. So,the next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong.

The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

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JokesUncategorized

Under the Cover of Darkness

A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”

The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”

The blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!”

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian.

The blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

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JokesUncategorized

Flight Control

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard. With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

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Quote

He Loved Her

The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle

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