Reggie Watts! What?
Reggie Watts is a true original but even he can’t explain it.
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Joe Ditzel
Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems
Groaning with Pain
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
“I’m an attorney,” the wincing man said, “and this is going to cost you $5000.”
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” the concerned golfer replied. “But I did yell ‘fore’.”
“I’ll take it,” the attorney said.
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What Happens When You Combine Hockey, Downhill Skiing and Boardercross?
The only thing Crashed Ice doesn’t have is full contact checking.
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Fighting Weight
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
Campy Blast
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Came By
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Safety
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
It’s A Liability Issue
Jill: Hey, Tim, dinner’s ready. Tim: I’m not really that hungry. Jill: I didn’t cook it. Tim: I am famished.
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Movie Quote: Staff Lot
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
To Catch a Thief
This guy is caught stealing whole chunks from comedians like Patton Oswalt and Dave Attell. Yes, word for word. Oy vey.
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Civilization
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
Erma Bombeck
Human
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
Erma Bombeck
Mark Twain
Humor Quote: Ability
The Player: We’re more of the love, blood and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can’t give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They’re all blood, you see.
Gran Torino
Harry Tofcano
Zoolander
Blazing Saddles
Life of Brian
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Milton Berle
Adam Sandler
The Godfather
The Godfather
L.A. Law
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Old School
Old School
David Spade
David Spade
Rushmore
Rushmore
Home Improvement Store
Superbad
Erma Bombeck
Mark Twain
Clifton Paul Fadiman
Worst Episode
Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
The Simpsons