Streaking through the halls wearing nothing but a motorcyle helmet

Now that Mr. Pence made keeping classified documents in your house an official trend, I’d like to reveal the classified docs I carelessly store around here:

—Next to the BBQ I keep a box with pictures of me wearing antlers as a reindeer in our kindergarten Christmas show.

—In 1970, our music teacher played pop songs to discuss certain music concepts. One song was Dylan’s “Lay Lady Lay.” Some of the students started snickering and I didn’t know why. Butt up against the furnace I keep a note from Karen Flanagan explaining why it was funny.

—In 1977 I streaked through the halls of Valley High School wearing nothing but a motorcycle helmet. In the attic, I keep a photo that was published in the newspaper. The caption said “Small Disturbance at Local High School.”

I hope my transparency in my handling of classified documents here will help avoid costly legal action.