Politics and Government

What does “woke” mean?

I asked local citizens walking the Midway at the State Fair what “woke” means:

“The capacity to telepathically converse with houseplants and persuade them to participate in philosophical discussions on the essence of life.”

-Beatrice A.

“A mystical incantation that, when spoken backward in front of a mirror, whisks you away to another world where all animals have the ability to communicate and provide style suggestions.”

-Andy T.

“The ability to turn common home items into sentient entities that converse clever conversation and pull practical jokes on unwary visitors.”

-Clem G.

“The ability to magically transport to the kingdom of dreams, where one may engage in epic pillow fights against marshmallow monsters and fluffy dragons.”

-Cassie M.

“The capacity to conjure up a barbershop quartet of singing squirrels to accompany you while performing menial tasks like going to the store or attending meetings.”

-Jack L.

“A magic hat that lets you, um, gives you the power to, um, speak llama language.”

-Donnie P.

“The ability to travel back in time for just ten seconds at a time, allowing you to teleport out of awkward circumstances.”

-Buddy K.

“A mysterious concoction that, when ingested, endows the user with the power to comprehend the private thoughts of domestic pets, unleashing a world of rumors and conspiracies among the animal kingdom.”

-Lionel T.

“A magical skill that lets you transform any song you hum into a full-fledged musical production with backing dancers and a real orchestra.”

-Klinestart D.

Joe Ditzel

Joe Ditzel is a keynote speaker, humor writer, and really bad golfer. You can reach him via email at [email protected] as well as Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.