Haircuts finally legal in New York

Exciting news! Andrew Cuomo, New York’s embattled governor, is working hard for the people. He signed impactful legislation yesterday making it legal to cut hair on Sundays. Not only that, you can now provide legal shaves on Sunday as well.

And you don’t have to wait. The full weight and power of the government was enacted to make the change effective immediately.

“I had no idea there was even any law such as this there,” said Johnny “Golden Shears” Trippazoni, proprietor of one of the longest running barbers in Brooklyn. “Hey, look at it this way. I’m sleeping much better at night knowing I’m operating within the guidelines of the law,” he laughed.

Up in Watertown, three local farmers waited in the chairs for Sherry Ypsilantison, owner of Sherry’s Quick Cuts Barber Shop. “I can cut hair legally on Sunday, now? Wup-De-Doo! I always did a quick drive around the shop on Sundays to make sure there weren’t any black vans with FBI guys ready to nab me as I unlocked the place,” she said, smiling, her hands a blur as she snipped the locks of balding Harry Albaysoson, a local antique shop owner and Call of Duty gamer. “What are you going to do with this guy, Cuomo? Isn’t he the guy who was trying to figure out the sexual orientation of an airport terminal? He must have a screw loose or something.”

To celebrate the new freedom afforded barbers and hair stylists throughout the Empire State, Cuomo had his head shaved in Times Square.