Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems With Getting Dumped – Book

Belinda dumped me when she said I was more emotionally involved with my Star Wars theories than our future.
Gabrielle dumped me after I showed up at our favorite cafe in skinny jeans and a fanny pack
Eloise broke up with me because I said she was trying too hard to be cool with her daughter’s teenage friends
Chloe dumped me because we were opposites
Alexandrea dumped me when I accidentally super glued her vegan cookbook pages together during my “craft beer meets craft glue” phase.
Mariana waved goodbye when she noticed my hair was dropping out quicker than a narcoleptic at a lullaby concert
Corina dumped me when I confessed I’m the secret author of ‘The Encyclopedia of Vintage Doorknobs’
Ava dumped me when I told her I had a “Ferrari future with a bicycle bank account”
Corinne dumped me when she found out my cat’s name was C++ and my dog’s was Java
Cecilia dumped me when she found out I developed a version of Pokemon featuring pro golfers
Idara broke up with me when I told her I used to be an engineer on a miniature railroad at a zoo
Liane dumped me when she found out I used to own a board game cafe
Fernanda broke up with me because she said my dancing looked like this
Sandra broke up with me when we were playing Scrabble and I insisted Endomorphistan was a country for chubby people like me
Hazel dumped me at our renaissance faire battle reenactment when I told her I couldn’t lift my sword
Charlotte ghosted me when I told her my interior decorating style was “Cleveland Bowling Alley”
Simone broke up with me when I told her the only swimming I can do is the dog paddle
Alabama dumped me when I admitted I used to be the lead singer in a German thrash metal country music band
Gianna dumped me when I told her I won the International Bow Tie Tying Championship 5 years in a row
Amelia dumped me when she found out I used to sing “Rhinestone Cowboy” every night in the New York subway
Meara dumped me after I bought her a sleeve of 3 golf balls for our 1-year anniversary
She dumped when she found out I did this with melons
She dumped me when she found out what I did with toilet paper
She dumped me because I’ve never seen “Team America: World Police”
She dumped me because I always sing the wrong lyrics to songs on the radio
She dumped me when I said she looked like a beautiful character on “Game of Thrones”
She dumped me because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to watch on Netflix
You look just like the Queen of Sweden!
What’s with the peanuts? Is this supposed to be a meal?
5 women who dumped me faster than divorce follows a Hollywood marriage
Bonnie dumped after I answered her question: “What is your number?”
Lacy dumped when she found out I was the lead singer of my nursing home’s barbershop quartet
She broke up with me when she realized she was only on the rebound from a rich guy
She ghosted me when she found out I am a Browns fan
She ghosted me on the road when I told her she looked like my mom
5 women who dropped me like a pre-med student changes their major to communications after failing chemistry 101
She ghosted me on our first date at a haunted house
She left me because I forgot to put the lid back on the Miracle Whip
5 women who dumped me like a mafia garbage truck unloading trash into a New Jersey river
5 women who dumped me like a TV network kicking a failing sitcom off the schedule