Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems 10 – Book

2022

 

• The eternal congresswoman: Or how to stubbornly stick around
• If you don’t get to the semi-finals, it’s a $300 fine
• Going round and round and turning upside down
• Lawyer up, Jethro!
• Motorcycle daredevil Evel Kneivel successfully jumps 18-mile wide Grand Canyon in 1975
• I remember that place. Didn’t it used to be the Smiling Fiddle?
• Hey, pick me up a pop and a pew pew, will ya?
• I paid way too much for 18 eggs
• The ballad of Lil’ Timmy Tim: Famous birthdays for 12-27
• A pallet load of doll heads fell on Santa Claus yesterday
• It’s Christmas Eve for Christmas Eve: Famous Birthdays for 12-23
• That feeling when you get a stone in your shoe and when you take the shoe off your sock comes with it.
• Jesus, take the fishfinder radar!
• Rip your eyelashes out
• Can I substitute the lima beans? Please?
• The rise and fall of FTX
• How to get rich in America today
• 95 Ocean, you have an open mic!
• Haunted by memories, facing the future
• You got me brake pads? You shouldn’t have!
• Get mad sir! Like Liam Neeson!
• Sir, your skin is blinding the surfers out on the break point
• Santa’s elves vote to form a union
• Benny the Beagle sings on American Idol
• Valentine is the new wheel man for the heist
• Pigs can’t look up into the sky
• I feel tired already
• Letter of Paul to the Iowans
• She dumped me because I always sing the wrong lyrics to songs on the radio
• The corn dog crime king
• Five golf stores in Orlando that will help you with your golf anxiety
• Get peeled and squeezed in Orlando
• Letter of Paul to the Denverites
• Santa and the reindeer get lost over Iowa
• Ernie the mastiff goes to New York City
• A steadfast flame
• Lincoln finds out why Constantine made Christianity the state religion
• 5 amazingly dull men’s clothing stores in New Orleans
• Ten crazy ways dogs lose their mind during the Christmas season
• All Max really wants is a T-bone, not the steak, the T-bone
• The magic Christmas trees in the forest
• 10 insane things Mastiffs do that show they should be in a clinic
• 7 bad mall Santas
• DitzTrolls
• 12 reasons I lost the election except blaming my mother for being too indulgent
• 10 worst self-help books of 2022
• President Trump offers a “best-of-three” WWE event with The Constitution
• Aren’t you “Dancing With Wolves?”
• Makes you wonder: why did the Flintstones always have a Christmas special?
• She dumped me when I said she looked like a beautiful character on “Game of Thrones”
• Ohio State players still in shock over stunning Michigan loss at home
• Ohio State players explain why they lost to Michigan at home – 2022
• She dumped me because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to watch on Netflix
• That feeling when your phone has been charging for 4 hours and it’s up only five percent
• You look just like the Queen of Sweden!
• That feeling when Amazon says your package won’t arrive for another four weeks
• That feeling when the tire shop won’t plug your tire
• After latest debacle, Ticketmaster eliminate tickets completely
• 222-0? Why don’t we just concede the game and go get some brewskies?
• Can we have three of your best deep dish pies?
• I took my Twitter severance cash and bought Friendster
• You have shingles now? What happened to the gout?
• Twitter employees wandering around saying, “Who do I quit to?”
• Why do you call them chickpeas? You are dumb.
• 10 Reasons Bob Chapek was ousted as Disney CEO
• What’s with the peanuts? Is this supposed to be a meal?
• Fan reaction from the first “Weekend With Adele” in Las Vegas
• Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon AI mashup
• Cardi B and Paula Abdul AI mashup
• Tom Cruise and Zach Galifianakis AI mashup
• 5 women who dumped me faster than divorce follows a Hollywood marriage
• Bonnie dumped after I answered her question: “What is your number?”
• Lacy dumped when she found out I was the lead singer of my nursing home’s barbershop quartet
• Twitter launches platoons of digital soldiers to battle misinformation bots
• She broke up with me when she realized she was only on the rebound from a rich guy
• 5 worst butcher shops in Minneapolis
• Florida residents respond to landslide victory by governor Ron DeSantis
• Arizona Republicans are shootin’ mad about the 2022 mid-term election results
• Harry Styles and Mick Jagger AI mashup
• Will Smith and Chris Rock AI mashup
• King Charles and Donald Trump AI Mashup
• Jim Jordan and Gavin Newsom AI mashup
• What do you think of those St. Louis Blues, huh?
• She ghosted me when she found out I am a Browns fan
• She ghosted me on the road when I told her she looked like my mom
• 5 women who dropped me like a pre-med student changes their major to communications after failing chemistry 101
• She ghosted me on our first date at a haunted house
• I was laid off from Meta/ Facebook today
• Do they still sell fries in the future?
• Take the world by storm
• Twitter asks some freshly laid-off workers to come back. Please?
• She left me because I forgot to put the lid back on the Miracle Whip
• That feeling when the guy you picked a fight with is a former MMA fighter
• 10 of the worst golf courses in America
• RUMOUR: Elon Musk set to buy Facebook and merge it with Twitter. New FaceTwit will be $8/month, free for Tesla owners.
• Go slowly on the MCT oil or hello “disaster pants”
• Laid off from Twitter and my department disbanded
• Auto brands meet the Gumball challenge at LA Auto Show
• Hired and fired by Twitter in the blink of an eye
• 5 women who dumped me like a mafia garbage truck unloading trash into a New Jersey river
• Dad, can we get go to McDonald’s after climbing this sheer rock face?
• That feeling when the waiter says the chef was mad at his wife and threw your New York Strip Steak into the street
• Thank goodness they interviewed Mrs. Burdick
• The Fabulous Fairhurst
• She made her Broadway debut at the Knights of Columbus hall
• Show time is 530pm. Gotta be in bed by 7pm.
• That feeling when the waiter tells you for the fourth time that “it’ll just be a few more minutes.”
• Ski Patrols employ armored knights to patrol slopes this winter
• 5 women who dumped me like a TV network kicking a failing sitcom off the schedule
• 10 things to see and do at the Johnson Space Center with your family
• You’re the ruler now, kid
• Detroit Lions fans when their already thin hopes are dashed by week two
• When you bet $5000 on your team to win by 14 and they are behind 75 points at the half.
• 10 creepy castles you have to visit before you die
• 5 worst pet stores in Detroit
• He got it the first time
• Music to insurrect by
• In the pantheon of tech product failures this might be king
• How about the Six Dollar Man?
• Most people that have died in history never reached 20 years old
• Plans after college graduation
• You want some more of this, tough guy?
• 5 Worst ping pong centers in Detroit
• Humidor – the God of Humidity
• Happy birthday to Bruno Mars – 10/9
• Happy birthday, John Mellencamp – 10/7
• Parkus – the God of Parking
• The tallest man in history
• Shovel my hulu
• India’s Go Air only hire female flight attendants
• New purple tomato heading for US shores
• Saving money on political advertising
• 200 police and scores of fire trucks block waves of panty raiders
• Going back into the breach
• She spun it around on him
• I did nothing wrong BUT…
• Jack Dorsey and John D. Rockefeller AI mashup
• Ladies and gentlemen, your next President of the United States!
• This guy’s wallpaper seems a little too on the nose
• “Don’t shoot! I want to come to America and watch The Bachelor!”
• Please don’t fold like a tent this time! Please!
• My cat is trying to kill me
• Just one more booster and you may even like gluten-free bread
• Just keeping you from sinning, you sinner
• Ohio Governor Sends Planeload of Cleveland Browns to Florida. Invokes Executive Order.
• Ron Desantis and Pee Wee Herman AI mashup
• Mike Pence and Rob Zombie AI mashup
• Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders AI mashup
• When you are shooting a golf PB and it starts to thunderstorm
• Can you add a scroll at the bottom that updates Vegas spreads every minute?
• I married the girl she was my first love
• My Uncle the Motorcycle – Worst TV Shows of All Time
• Okay, another one is falling! We are rich!
• Um, that LORD Ditzel to you, buddy!
• Are you saying I’m accident prone?
• Just leave it in for a while
• But why was a boogie singer playing in rock and roll band in the first place?
• Don’t sit on the couch like a fungus
• Oh, that’s for checking if you have any rogue nose hairs
• Tides, bulging waters and swollen seas
• 3 wedge myths taken to the cleaners
• 3 tips to make your high school hockey team
• Love Stand Though the Nations Rise
• Shocking finding high in the Andes. “They speak English.”
• Father chastises family for wasting water
• Local canine gets upset with wrong guy
• It’s down there with some old USFL jerseys and The Apprentice swag
• Local man writes $1.5 million dollar check for food delivery
• After the demise of Shooter’s Grill, Lauren Boebert opens TANKS restaurants across Colorado
• OK then, all women are banned
• I didn’t do anything
• Men’s pants falling down in cities worldwide
• Lawsuits are flying in golfdom
• Tired of the same old thing
• Levitating Aunt Millie to help pay for law school
• The Daring Dobson
• That one friend who always takes a new fashion trend too far
• You call that a spice rub? Quit embarrassing yourself!
• Now they say the bridge is out
• Why do bald eagles get all the good photoshoot jobs
• Discovering galaxies on the edge of time
• Great Uncle Ziff hated to be late for work
• The best thing about suspenders
• I’m sorry I lost my head
• Did they clear this with the Vatican?
• Instagram is changing their name to Instatok
• Gangs of rats stage wild food fights in New York
• Nope, not this one. Nope, not this one.
• This guy’s acting is very good
• Oops, it’s farther than we thought
• Looks like my flight is going to be late
• Go get him, Weiner doggie!
• Why I let my dog drive my car
• City fines restaurant owner for graffiti the city can’t keep off his walls
• Break 1-9, brush your teeth and comb your hair – you got a bear in the air
• Mike Pence stars in new Cadillac commercials
• Thomas gets word his Gospel didn’t make the cut
• Amazing Webb Telescope images bend time and space
• These guys go everywhere
• Beep! Beep! Beep!
• Tiktok blows past Google as Gen-Z search engine of choice
• Get a well-rounded education! Well, except these huge chunks of history.
• Brain scan of dozens of my thoughts during the golf swing
• 3 worst home improvement stores in Grand Rapids
• I’m so old I remember when people used to yell FORE! before beaning you in the head
• Hollywood history: CHiPs pilot episode
• Just don’t get locked in
• Lucy prevented tragedy by gaining possession of the weapon
• According to Marcus Aurelius
• Crazy golfers: Mr. Did-you-find-it?
• Since we are being honest with each other
• Colorado, please raise your hands a little higher – the mountains are blocking you.
• Listen, Farnsworth, you know Tom Brady attracts too much attention!
• I’ll pick you up and we’ll drive to Canada for some Labatt’s and freedom!
• 5 worst coffee shops in Grand Rapids
• At least they put it up on blocks
• And the car was a hybrid, too, right?
• I love it out here – I’m melting
• Hold it down there, buddy, you sing like crap!
• Call the paramedics, I think they might be choking!
• Picasso, Hopper and some other folks
• Time for a viable third party in America
• Are you going to be asleep when opportunity knocks?
• Add Matt “The Cat” Lapczinski and it’s a deal
• I’m going to just let myself out. Byeeeee…
• Got too close
• Lifeguards be getting bank out here
• George Washington was the first president, but…
• Gypsy curse drives men to life of crime
• My best friend stole my girl
• These clingers aren’t worth the money!
• The police brought an army of officers to thwart these criminals
• Grey flannel is always popular in England
• Gee, sis, did you have to sneak up on me like that?
• The critical 74,000 fields every housewife needs to be an expert in
• Seems a little rude to make fun of your customers
• These AutoMaps are better than the lousy map app on my phone
• That moment you realized it wasn’t a good idea to buy an American car in the 1980s
• Sure, we have some supply chain issues
• Things Most People Hate About Ohio
• Nice looking udders, there!
• Hey! Hey! I’ll sing the Canadian national anthem!
• Dr. Oz Operates on Political Opponent To Prove They Have a “Cold Heart”
• Excuse me, when were you going to mention the roof flew off the plane?
• Marie has divorced her husband
• You guys better settle or I’m going to send Jimmy Page into the next county
• They want to change my name to The Pale Chef
• It tastes like mouthwash that has been rinsed through a sock soaked in Vick’s VapoRub
• I can tell you are lying before you open your mouth
• 3 worst dance studios in Detroit
• Suburbs of Detroit – History of Detroit
• Sometimes you have to trust your gut
• Catholic Mass to offer alternatives to sacramental wine including Mountain Dew Pitch Black, A&W Root Beer and Sunny D
• 3 worst foot massage places in Detroit
• Gently-used Popemobiles
• Early days of Detroit – History of Detroit
• Detroit to convert cemeteries to “mixed use” status to allow golf courses to be built on cemetery grounds
• Can you take my tip and get the car washed?
• Baldness cure using tree sap
• $95,000 I spent and you want me to help you move?
• 7 jerky things people do at work
• Trademark fight at the OK Corral
• 7 deadly mistakes you make going to work
• Two drivers square off at 4-way stop in Pittsburgh
• Man refuses to pull into intersection to make left turn
• Deer drives a bus in Pittsburgh
• Homeowners win $5 million verdict due to more than 600 golf balls hitting their house and yard
• Oh, is it my turn?
• Elon Musk buys LA Lakers
• A cow gives birth on the Oval?
• What’s the problem? It’s just a little $500,000,000 bet against you.
• Florida banned some of my best books
• Just finished the 4,000th roll of toilet paper I hoarded in March of 2020
• Stupigance
• Drunken Russian oligarch bears down on beach town
• Listen, honey, you and me have to stick together to help save America!
• Disney announces Disney World expansion will cover entire state of Florida
• Elon Musk Twitter head fake
• 3 incredible facts about Casper, Wyoming
• 3 astonishing facts about Cheyenne, Wyoming
• Angstration
• Omelettes: Livers of two fowls?
• Soup stock to warm your soul and socks at the same time
• Letter of Paul to the Hoosiers
• Tiger gets new clubs
• California planned fake “new gold rush” to solve affordable housing crisis
• Dear Cable company, Thank you for wasting my time.
• Ditzel promises 10 cents for a gallon of gas
• Tiger makes a comeback at the 2022 Masters
• Mr. Beast gives entire Caribbean to waitress as a tip
• “Yes, I’ve said all my life I love Neapolitan ice cream. But now I think vanilla is best!”
• I don’t care if it’s “just right.” Don’t eat strangers’ food.
• 5 worst pet food stores in San Jose
• I was too busy painting, you know.
• 5 ways Joe Biden has impacted USA since becoming president
• Governor Abbot pledges to bus dozens of undocumented immigrants across Texas to help repair rickety power grid
• What to say if your spouse wants to you to work in the yard the first day the golf course is open in spring
• Karens gone wild – Please play some Porgy and Bess
• Wowsers! Kansas makes the greatest comeback in NCAA Men’s Basketball National Championship history
• Charles Baudelaire’s “The Flowers of Evil” – Benediction – Breakdown and Review
• Just spending a few days in the countryside
• Bang! Crash! OK, it’s right here!
• The reason I’m going to stop using this wildly popular software
• Buttocks of Beef for everyone
• Gomer had some good ideas
• Can you change this $20 DitzelBucks into some fivers for me?
• HALT! Why are you being such a Crabby Karen?
• Honey, add some Handiwipes to our travel shopping list
• Academy announces new security measures after Will Smith slaps Chris Rock
• Amazon customers tell company they are OK with three day delivery if it stops vans from driving on their lawn
• Honey, have you seen my Periodic Table?
• Kanye banned from Grammys, starts own Yeezys awards show
• 5 worst bookstores in San Jose
• 5 worst car dealers in San Jose
• 5 worst bowling alleys in Lincoln
• 10 signs a golfer is cheating
• Potholes fly home from winter break
• Calling for help after losing my golf ball in a swamp
• 10 Lies Women Tell Guys For Fun and Profit
• REACTION: Browns rumored to be considering veteran quarterbacks to replace Baker Mayfield
• Snakes just like hiding in holes
• 5 worst car dealers in Lincoln
• 5 things you can only do in Eugene
• 5 things you can only do in Sacramento
• 5 worst hardware stores in Savannah
• 5 worst hair stylists in Savannah
• 5 worst car dealers in Charleston
• Detroit Red Wings petition NHL to allow goals scored when shooting on their own net to count in their favor
• BREAKING: US to re-introduce Cone of Silence technology
• One man’s deal is another man’s ripoff
• 5 worst car dealers in Minneapolis
• 5 worst bowling alleys in Minneapolis
• 5 worst bowling alleys in Savannah
• 5 worst car dealers in Lexington
• 5 worst dog training places in Corpus Christi
• 5 worst car dealers in Savannah
• Letter of Paul to the Ohioans
• Breathing heavy one nostril at a time
• Jonas? Is that you?
• Just makes me miss acid rain
• 5 worst sporting good stores in Oklahoma City
• 5 worst sub shops in Oklahoma City
• 5 worst law firms in Oklahoma City
• 5 worst alteration places in Oklahoma City
• 5 MORE worst dry cleaners in Oklahoma City
• 5 worst pizza places in Oklahoma City
• 5 worst pet food stores in Oklahoma City
• 5 worst dry cleaners in Oklahoma City
• Do you have one shaped like a cow?
• 5 worst pool stores in Louisville
• 5 worst flower shops in Louisville
• We also have almonds, too, sir!
• Man claims victory after working on this activity for more than 40 years
• Just getting out of the parking lot will take six hours
• Photo Op: Motorcyclist gets lost in vegetation, abandons bike and hikes to civilization
• 5 worst hamburger joints in Louisville
• 5 worst garden centers in Louisville
• 5 worst drugstores in Louisville
• Letter of Paul to the Canadians
• 5 worst eyeglass stores in Louisville
• I’m so old I remember when he went by John Cougar
• 5 worst bowling alleys in Louisville
• Hank the Tank: In-depth interview
• Sure, but what about checkers?
• What the…er…heck are you up to?
• 5 things you didn’t know were sins in the Bible
• For sale: Slightly scalding German sports car. Must pay helicopter fee for retrieval after sale.
• Flight Attendant Wanted: Three years mixed-martial arts required
• In this corner: 275 pounds, from Minneapolis, the Drunk Accountant Conspiracy Theorist!
• What about that walking on the water thing?
• Car rental companies arrest customer who returned car late from prom
• You forgot money for hot dogs!
• Clear as streaky mud on your windshield during a spring rainstorm
• Alexa, what is life all about?
• Montreal Canadiens goalies initiate blockade to support vaccine mandate protests
• Giant rabbit spotted driving a tractor
• Mario Lemieux’s solar solution for Pittsburgh
• What makes you punch the coffeemaker in the morning?
• Driving Tour of Des Moines – Freeways Explained
• 5 Worst Neighborhoods in Des Moines
• Driving tour of Des Moines – Urbandale
• Driving tour of Des Moines – Botanical Gardens
• Driving tour of Des Moines – Drake University
• Driving tour of Des Moines – Fort Des Moines
• 5 worst ice cream shops in Des Moines
• 5 worst carpet cleaners in Des Moines
• 5 worst washer dryer repair shops in Des Moines
• 5 worst tire shops in Des Moines
• Yo, you need some blood plasma?
• 5 worst carpet stores in Des Moines
• Letter of Paul to the Alaskans
• 7 TV shows I’m pitching to Hollywood
• Canadian grab in the gap off the knuckle
• Low and gravelly
• Still lying after all these years
• I’ve never met anyone named Flannery
• Cheech and Chong named as immediate replacements for Dr. Fauci. President schedules press conference. CDC “unaware.”
• Kids are the greatest thing in life
• It depends on what you mean by “legitimate”
• 5 amazing things from newly discovered Charles Darwin journals
• Maybe I can go back there and cook it myself
• Come into the office? What?
• Sure, the building is tilted, but think of the Instagram photo ops!
• How about Metallica singing the Baby Shark song?
• What if he doesn’t actually go down the chimney but through an unlocked window?
• They stole my black BMW! I mean white! No, red! I mean blue!
• Jumping ahead of yourself
• Conspiracy theory groups are starting to turn on each other
• Ripping your shirt off at work and storming out
• For some reason when surveying auto-detailing products I stand like a superhero
• Shutting down my OnlyFans
• In the streets of Memphis